I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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