dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
