I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
