I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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