Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
