I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she smelled like a LAN party
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
