My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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