Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
