ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
