cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
