shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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