I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
