I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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