im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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