Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize