somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
