Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
