sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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