Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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