worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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