Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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