Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize