I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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