drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
