her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Mom said you looked used
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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