I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
