I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
