So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
