So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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