fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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