you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
