So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
