I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
