I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
