so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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