Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
