I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
