We named our party play list daddy issues
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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