Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
