I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
