i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
