Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
