I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
