Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
