I heard we made out
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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