There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
