sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
