I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I touched a dick in church today
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