Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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