I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
