Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
