Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my being single is dangerous.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
