If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
