I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
