Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
