i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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