i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
