Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
