I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just found a bag of teeth...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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