Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
