mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize