How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
