you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
