matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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