the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
