OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
