i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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