do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
