he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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