We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
