If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
