all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
